Lincoln Square's May Fest - Notes

America has a lot to thank Germany for. We saw the way they consumed at their festivals, then took the idea and applied it to everything, riding it all the way to the world’s strongest economy and greatest national wealth.

We had intergenerational slurred conversations. “Nobody’s bought me a beer yet,” said the wobbling seventy year-old lady. “Nobody’s bought me a beer yet either, you can be the first,” said the object of her romantic interest, a twenty-three year-old German-Italian.

They priced the beers perfectly. The first one is painfully expensive, but if you get the large glass of the strongest beer, the price becomes affordable as soon as the glass is empty, so you go back for another, spurred by the dollar refill discount, and by the time that’s done and you're buying your third, you know it's a good deal.

Renters inevitably ran into property managers. The property managers silently computed and filed away each renter's odds of puking in the stairway, as to know who to curse this morning, depending on the size and location of the mess.

Sandal wearers can comment on the puddles of black beer water making moats around the bar.

Cops wore bulletproof vests in case a beer maid exploded out of her bodice.

Please, God, spare the soul of the man who loaded French’s yellow onto his bratwurst.